Cancer Survivor Shares 'Cool Things About Cancer Diagnosis'

Posted by Maggie Baumann, MFT, CEDS on September 28, 2014

Mystery, thriller and detective novelist Amanda Kyle Williams, author of novels featuring Keye Street, recently released the following statement:

I was thinking this morning that one of the cool things about getting a cancer diagnosis this year is that I'm not afraid of it anymore.

I think I'd always been afraid of cancer.

Its grimy hands had already taken someone I loved, and marked me in ways I'm only just beginning to understand.

Losing my hair, my body being sick, showing that vulnerability, letting people see me when I'm down, none of it scares me anymore.

I made appearances bald or nearly bald this year....

It no longer had a hold on me.

That's not bravado.

It's the truth....

It's inconvenient and the drugs clog focus and my writing schedule is pathetic, but I'm not afraid of it.

It doesn't feel like life can hand me much of anything right now that would scare me, apart from maybe pajama jeans and a perm.

I think once you've had to prepare for death, which I did last spring with a lot of focus-making arrangements for my animals, finances, etc-everything else is a gift.

I go outside now and just breathe, feel it, look out into the Georgia woods and all those shades of green and I'm in the moment.

I'm grateful for the moment.

I'm no longer afraid to be present.

I've never been able to be present in my entire life because I could never seem to let go of my grasp on the future--planning it, securing it, toiling, toiling.

There are so many crazy blessings in all this for me.

I'm a better listener.

I value friends and family in a new way.

I want more time with them.

I want to see more and feel more and give more and do more.

I'm more forgiving and less critical.

Everyday circumstances don't get to me as much.

I've learned how to deal with grief, finally.

I've learned to trust the universe.

Don't worry.  I'm not going all Gandhi on y'all.

It's just that sometimes I am struck by all the gifts that get buried in the rubble.